8 things a manipulator does when they realize they’re losing control over you

From the Personal Branding Blog

As someone who’s observed human behavior for years, I can tell you there’s a vast difference between a charismatic influencer and a cunning manipulator.

You see, when a manipulator begins to lose their grip, they don’t bow out gracefully. Instead, they resort to certain tricks in a desperate bid to regain control.

In my work at Hack Spirit, I’ve identified 8 key things a manipulator does when they sense their power slipping away. These are their go-to tactics in an attempt to regain dominance.

In this article, I’m going to share those tactics with you. By understanding these signs, you can protect yourself from manipulation and maintain control of your own decisions.

1) They resort to guilt-tripping

One of the most common tactics manipulators use when they feel their control slipping away is guilt-tripping.

It’s a sneaky and potent tool. By making you feel guilty, they hope to manipulate your emotions and push you into doing what they want.

They might remind you of past favors, bring up past mistakes, or play the victim card. The aim is always to make you feel indebted, regretful, or sorry for them.

Such methods are designed to exploit your empathy and kindness – after all, most of us don’t want to feel responsible for someone else’s unhappiness.

The key here is to recognize this guilt-tripping for what it is: a desperate attempt to regain control. Don’t fall into the trap of feeling guilty for standing up for yourself.

2) They intensify their charm offensive

When a manipulator senses they’re losing their grip, they might try to win you back with an amplified charm offensive.

Suddenly, they’re complimenting you more, acting overly sweet, or even showering you with gifts. This is often a disarming tactic, designed to make you lower your guard and forget their manipulative ways.

The sudden change in behavior can be confusing and make it difficult to maintain your boundaries. After all, it’s hard to resist someone who suddenly seems so attentive and caring.

However, it’s crucial to remember that their charm is just another tool in their manipulation toolbox. While it might feel good in the moment, it’s often a smokescreen for their true intentions.

3) They start gaslighting

In my years studying human behavior, I’ve come across very few tactics as damaging as gaslighting.

This is when a manipulator starts to mess with your perception of reality to make you doubt your own sanity.

They might deny things that have definitely happened, or insist on false narratives. They’ll often assert their version of events with such conviction that you start questioning your own memory.

I’ve seen people fall victim to this tactic, and it can be a truly distressing experience. It’s designed to make you feel so uncertain and unstable that you become easier to control.

The key to combating gaslighting is to trust your own instincts and memories. If something doesn’t feel right, it probably isn’t. Don’t let anyone else dictate your reality.

4) They attempt to isolate you

When feeling threatened, manipulators often try to isolate you from your support network. This can involve spreading rumors, creating conflicts, or even directly asking you to cut ties with certain people.

The aim is to make you feel alone and vulnerable. When we feel isolated, we’re more likely to depend on the manipulator for emotional support, making it easier for them to regain control.

In my book, The Art of Resilience: A Practical Guide to Developing Mental Toughness, I discuss how important it is to maintain strong and supportive relationships in the face of such tactics.

Being mentally tough also means recognizing when someone is trying to isolate you and standing up against it.

No one has the right to dictate who you can or cannot interact with. Keep your support system strong and don’t let the manipulator create a wedge between you and your loved ones.

5) They play dumb

This might seem counter-intuitive, but playing dumb is actually a common tactic used by manipulators when they sense they’re losing control.

By feigning ignorance or innocence, they can avoid taking responsibility for their actions and make you second-guess your accusations.

For example, they might pretend not to understand what you’re upset about or act as if they had no idea their actions were causing harm. This can be frustrating because it feels like they’re not taking your concerns seriously.

Don’t fall for this act. If you’re sure about their manipulation, stand your ground. It’s critical to trust your instincts and not let their feigned innocence cloud your judgment.

6) They become overly defensive

When a manipulator senses they’re losing their grip, they often become overly defensive.

Any slight criticism or questioning of their actions is met with instant defensiveness or counter-accusations.

Their goal is to shift the blame onto you and avoid taking responsibility for their actions. You might find yourself being accused of things you haven’t done or being blamed for issues that they themselves have caused.

This tactic is designed to throw you off balance and make you feel like you’re the one in the wrong.

7) They threaten to leave

In my experience, manipulators often use the threat of abandonment as a last-ditch effort to regain control.

Suddenly, they’re saying things like “Maybe we’re better off apart” or “I don’t think I can stay if things don’t change.” This can be particularly distressing if you’re emotionally invested in the relationship.

The aim is to make you panic and agree to their terms just to keep them around. It’s a manipulative tactic that preys on your fear of loss and loneliness.

But here’s the thing, if someone is willing to use the threat of leaving as a tool for manipulation, it might be time to reconsider whether they should be in your life at all. It’s harsh but true – sometimes, letting go is the best course of action.

8) They resort to personal attacks

When all else fails, a manipulator might resort to personal attacks or character assassination.

They’ll start pointing out your flaws, criticizing your choices, or belittling your achievements.

This is a desperate attempt to undermine your self-esteem and make you more susceptible to their manipulation. The lower you feel about yourself, the easier you are to control.

It’s essential not to take these attacks to heart. Remember, their words are a reflection of their desperation and not your worth. Stand firm in your self-belief, and don’t let their negative comments shake your confidence.

Understanding and recognizing these tactics is the first step in protecting yourself from manipulation. It’s not always easy, but it’s crucial for your emotional well-being.

Remember, standing up to a manipulator requires mental toughness, something we can all develop with time and practice.

In my book, The Art of Resilience: A Practical Guide to Developing Mental Toughness, I delve deeper into how you can build this resilience and stand strong in the face of manipulation or any other adversity life throws your way.

Stay strong, stay informed, and remember – you’re always in control of your own decisions.

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