9 signs someone is only pretending to like you, according to psychology

From the Personal Branding Blog

It’s a tough pill to swallow, realizing someone might only be pretending to like you.

The question is, how can you tell? Well, psychology has a lot to offer on this topic.

From subtle body language cues to the way they communicate, there are certain signs that can give away someone’s true intentions.

Here, I’m going to share with you 9 signs – all backed by psychological research – that someone might just be putting on a friendly façade.

Let’s dive in and weed out those phony friendships.

1) They’re not fully present when you’re together

In the hustle and bustle of life, it’s understandable if someone occasionally gets distracted during your conversations. But when it becomes a consistent pattern, it may be a sign they’re not as invested in the relationship as they appear to be.

Psychologists suggest that when someone genuinely likes you, they make an effort to be present in your interactions. They give you their full attention, actively listen to what you’re saying, and respond accordingly.

However, if you find that someone often seems distracted, unresponsive or disinterested during your conversations, it could indicate that they’re only pretending to like you.

Remember though, it’s important not to jump to conclusions based on a single sign. It’s the combination of multiple signs that can provide a clearer picture of someone’s true feelings.

2) Their body language doesn’t match their words

Body language can often reveal more about a person’s feelings than their words. And, as someone who’s always been fascinated by the nuances of non-verbal communication, I’ve had my fair share of experiences with this.

Take my old friend Tom for example. Tom would always say he enjoyed hanging out with me. He’d tell me how much fun he had and how he couldn’t wait to do it again. But his body language told a different story.

He’d cross his arms during our conversations, avoid eye contact, and rarely smile genuinely. At first, I brushed it off, thinking maybe he was just uncomfortable in social situations.

But then I realized – when Tom was with other friends, his body language was completely different. He was more open, expressive, and genuinely seemed to enjoy himself.

That’s when it hit me – the discomfort wasn’t with social situations; it was with me. His words said one thing, but his body language told the real story.

So, if you notice someone’s body language doesn’t match their words, it could be a sign they’re pretending to like you. Just remember to consider other factors too, because body language can be complex and easily misinterpreted.

3) They rarely initiate contact

When someone truly likes you, they usually want to communicate with you. They’ll reach out, ask about your day, and show genuine interest in what’s happening in your life.

However, if you’re always the one initiating contact and they never seem to reach out first, it could be a sign they’re only pretending to like you.

People who like each other tend to mirror each other’s communication patterns. If one person initiates contact more frequently, the other person is likely to do the same.

If you’re always the one making the first move and they rarely reciprocate, it might be time to question their feelings towards you. Remember though, every relationship is different and some people are simply not great at initiating contact, so consider this in conjunction with the other signs.

4) They don’t share personal information

Sharing personal information is a key part of building a genuine connection with someone. It allows us to understand each other better and foster deeper relationships.

But, if you notice that someone skirts around personal topics or gives vague answers to personal questions, it might be a sign they’re pretending to like you.

When people truly like and trust each other, they tend to open up and share more about their lives. But if someone is always keeping conversations on a superficial level, it could indicate that they’re not fully invested in the relationship.

It’s important to remember that some people are naturally more private or may take longer to open up. But if lack of personal sharing is consistent and coupled with other signs on this list, it might indicate their affection isn’t as genuine as they claim.

5) They never make plans for the future

Planning future events or activities together is a great indicator of someone’s interest in you. It shows that they expect you to be in their life for the foreseeable future and that they enjoy your company.

But if you notice that someone never mentions future plans with you or avoids committing to anything beyond the immediate present, it could be a sign they’re pretending to like you.

If they constantly dodge your invitations for future events or always have an excuse for not committing, it may suggest they’re not as invested in the relationship as they appear to be.

Again, remember that everyone has different comfort levels with planning ahead. But if this behavior is consistent and combined with other signs, it could indicate their feelings aren’t genuine.

6) They only talk about themselves

We’ve all had those conversations where we realize we’ve been listening far more than speaking. It’s natural for people to want to share their thoughts and experiences, but a balanced conversation involves both parties.

It’s a beautiful thing when someone shows genuine interest in your life, your dreams, your struggles. It’s a sign that they truly care about you and your well-being.

But if you find that someone always steers the conversation back to themselves and rarely shows interest in your life, it could be a sign they’re pretending to like you.

True friendship is about give and take, understanding and empathy. If they’re only interested in talking about themselves, it could suggest that they’re not genuinely invested in the relationship.

Of course, some people are naturally more talkative or have a hard time listening. But if you notice this behavior consistently and in combination with other signs, it might signal their feelings aren’t as genuine as they seem.

7) They’re never there when you need them

I remember a time when I was going through a particularly tough patch. I was dealing with a lot of stress and emotional turmoil, and I reached out to a friend hoping for some support.

Every time I tried to talk about my problems, though, she would change the subject or make light of the situation. It hurt, especially because I’d always been there for her during her own tough times.

In hindsight, this was a sign she was pretending to like me. When someone truly cares about you, they’ll be there for you in your times of need. They’ll offer a shoulder to cry on, words of comfort, or simply their presence.

If someone consistently brushes off your problems or isn’t there when you need them, it could be a sign they’re not genuinely interested in being your friend.

Of course, everyone has their own issues to deal with and might not always be able to provide support. But if they never seem to be there for you, especially when combined with other signs, it might suggest their feelings aren’t true.

8) They rarely make eye contact

Eye contact is a powerful form of nonverbal communication. It can convey interest, attention, and even affection.

So, if you notice that someone rarely makes eye contact with you during conversations, it might be a sign they’re pretending to like you.

When we genuinely like someone, we naturally want to connect with them, and one way we do this is through maintaining eye contact. It shows that we’re focused on them and interested in what they have to say.

However, if someone avoids eye contact or frequently looks away during your interactions, it could suggest they’re not genuinely interested in you or what you have to say.

Remember though, everyone has different comfort levels with eye contact, and some people might naturally avoid it due to shyness or cultural reasons. So consider this sign in conjunction with others before drawing conclusions.

9) They don’t reciprocate your feelings

At the end of the day, the most telling sign that someone is pretending to like you is if they don’t reciprocate your feelings.

When you genuinely like someone, you show it. You reach out to them, you listen to them, you support them, and you show interest in their life.

But if someone doesn’t do the same for you – if they don’t make the same effort or show the same level of interest – it could be a clear sign they’re pretending to like you.

This isn’t always easy to accept, but it’s important for your own well-being. Surround yourself with people who genuinely care about you and reciprocate your feelings. You deserve nothing less.

Final thoughts: It’s about self-respect

The complexities of human relationships often boil down to one essential element: respect.

Psychologists have long emphasized the importance of mutual respect in any relationship. It’s the foundation upon which true affection and genuine care are built.

If you notice these signs in someone, it could be a hard truth to face. But remember, it’s not a reflection of your worth. It’s merely a sign that this person might not be deserving of your time and emotional investment.

In the words of the renowned psychoanalyst, Erich Fromm, “Respect is not fear and awe; it denotes, in accordance with the root of the word (respicere = to look at), the ability to see a person as he is, to be aware of his unique individuality.”

So, whether someone is pretending to like you or not, always remember to respect yourself first. Surround yourself with people who see your unique individuality and reciprocate your feelings genuinely.

In this journey of understanding others, don’t forget to understand and respect yourself.

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