The Silent Struggle at Home: The Challenges Faced by Solo Parents During Military Deployment

When a service member deploys overseas, they do so with courage, duty, and sacrifice. But often overlooked are the equal measures of strength required by those left behind — the spouses and partners who become solo parents overnight. For families of active-duty military members, deployment doesn’t just mean separation — it means navigating the emotional, logistical, and financial complexities of single-handedly raising children while managing a household alone.

Emotional Toll and Isolation

Perhaps the most profound challenge solo parents face during deployment is emotional strain. They shoulder the dual burden of managing their own anxiety for their partner’s safety while providing emotional stability for their children. Kids may struggle with fear, sadness, and behavioral changes due to the absence of a deployed parent. The solo parent must be both the nurturer and the disciplinarian, often without a sounding board or emotional support of their own.

Military spouse Michelle L., whose husband has deployed three times, shared, “There are days when the loneliness is overwhelming. You put on a brave face for your kids, but at night, you’re carrying all the weight alone — the worry, the parenting, the bills, everything.”

This emotional burden can often be compounded by a sense of isolation. Military families may be stationed far from extended family or familiar support systems, making it difficult for solo parents to ask for help or even find someone to talk to.

Logistical Overload

The absence of a partner shifts the full weight of parenting and household responsibilities to the solo parent. From school drop-offs and doctor appointments to grocery shopping and home repairs, every task that was once shared becomes a solo mission.

For many, the “invisible load” of parenting becomes far more visible. Tasks like remembering lunch money, coordinating extracurriculars, managing screen time, and ensuring homework is done are no longer shared — and that’s in addition to full-time jobs or academic pursuits.

Moreover, accessing services — such as healthcare through TRICARE, child care subsidies, or base resources — can be complicated, especially for spouses unfamiliar with navigating military bureaucracy. Delays and confusion often add to stress already at its peak.

Financial Pressures

Although active-duty military families receive housing allowances and deployment pay, financial challenges still arise. Solo parents may be unable to work due to child care responsibilities, leading to a loss of income or career setbacks. Hiring babysitters, paying for after-school programs, or managing emergency expenses on one income can quickly strain a family’s budget.

The COVID-19 pandemic amplified these financial pressures, as many military spouses lost jobs or had to leave the workforce to take care of children during school closures. For some, even finding flexible work that accommodates their unpredictable schedules remains a long-term challenge.

Guilt and Expectations

Another layer of difficulty stems from guilt and societal expectations. Solo parents often feel pressure to maintain an ideal image of strength and capability. They may feel guilty for not being able to “do it all” or worry that their children will suffer from the absence of the deployed parent. Social media can exacerbate these feelings when comparisons to other families — civilian or military — arise.

Additionally, children may act out or experience developmental regressions during deployments, which can increase a parent’s feelings of inadequacy or frustration. Without a partner to share these concerns, solo parents are often left internalizing their guilt and doubts.

Building Support Systems

Despite the challenges, many solo parents find strength in community. Military Family Readiness Groups (FRGs), spouses clubs, and organizations such as the Armed Services YMCA or Blue Star Families offer support programs ranging from childcare to mental health counseling.

Technology also provides lifelines. Video calls, secure messaging platforms, and deployment support apps help bridge emotional gaps and allow deployed parents to stay connected with their children’s lives. Virtual support groups offer solo parents spaces to share their experiences and get advice from others who understand their situation intimately.

Still, experts stress that more comprehensive, accessible, and proactive support is needed. “We need to normalize asking for help,” says Dr. Laura Ramirez, a military family therapist. “And the military must continue expanding support networks that reach all families, not just those on large bases or near urban centers.”

Looking Ahead

As the nature of military service continues to evolve, so too must the support systems for military families. Acknowledging and addressing the sacrifices made by solo parents during deployment is critical for family readiness and retention in the armed forces.

For every soldier deployed abroad, there is a partner back home holding the line — keeping routines in place, managing tears and triumphs, and making daily sacrifices that deserve recognition.

Because while one parent wears the uniform, the other often becomes the unsung hero of the home front.

References:

• Blue Star Families. (2024). Military Family Lifestyle Survey. https://bluestarfam.org

• Department of Defense. (2023). Military OneSource: Deployment Resources. https://www.militaryonesource.mil

• Armed Services YMCA. (2023). Programs for Military Families. https://www.asymca.org

• Ramirez, L. (2024). Parenting Through Deployment: Emotional Resilience Strategies. Journal of Military Family Health, 12(1), 34–45.

• U.S. Department of Veterans Affairs. (2023). Supporting Military Families During Deployment. https://www.va.gov/family-member-benefits