How Fitting: Illegal Alien Arrested In Theft Of DHS Secretary Noem’s Purse

A man has been arrested in the Easter Sunday theft of Homeland Security Secretary Kristi Noem’s purse and — wouldn’t you just know it — he’s in the country illegally, according to US Attorney Ed Martin. 

The suspect was taken into custody in Washington on Saturday afternoon, but his name and country of origin have not yet been disclosed. While he awaits a court appearance that’s expected early this week, police are on the hunt for an accomplice — another illegal entrant to the United States — and suspect the two are part of a large, East-coast robbery crew.  

“This was not an amateur. This was a person, a thief that knew how to do this. You could see how he scouted the room out,” said Martin, referring to the Washington DC Capital Burger location where Noem was victimized. The investigation is being jointly handled by DC Metro Police and the Secret Service. Given the suspects’ illegal-alien status, Immigrations and Customs Enforcement has joined the effort.  

Investigators don’t think Noem was targeted because of her position — only for her outward display of opulence. “There is no indication it was because of [who she is]. It was…frankly, it was a nice-looking purse,” Martin told NBC News. 

The “nice-looking purse” was a large “Gucci B” shoulder bag that retails for $4,400. There were more riches inside, including a $600 Louis Vitton Clemence purse that held roughly $3,000 in cash. The bag also contained her DHS badge, passport, driver’s license, credit cards, blank checks, medicine and apartment keys. Attempting to justify the stack of cash, DHS told the New York Times that “her entire family was in town including her children and grandchildren. She was using the cash withdrawal to treat her family to dinner, activities and Easter gifts.” Undercutting the rationale, the $3,000 was in the purse after Noem settled the tab. 

Noem is known for flashing her money around. On a March visit to El Salvador’s notorious Terrorism Confinement Center — where the Trump administration has sent suspected illegal-alien gang members found in the United States — she wore a $50,000 Rolex Cosmograph Daytona watch. If she has a financial planner, he or she must cringe at Noem’s consumption, which seems disproportionate to her estimated $1 million net worth.   

In addition to embarrassing the woman responsible for securing the homeland, the theft was the latest in a long-running series of failures of the Secret Service, which is itself a DHS agency. At least two agents in street clothes were sitting at the bar, somewhere between the front doors and Noem’s table, a witness told NBC News, adding that the eatery wasn’t particularly crowded when the incident occurred.  

In the immediate wake of the theft, a law enforcement source told the Post that a review of security camera footage captured a white man in an N-95 mask, dark pants, a “fur-type” collar and ball cap pulling off the crime. (We’ll soon see how “white” he turns out to be.) Around 7:55pm, he entered Capital Burger and headed up a few stairs to the area where Noem was dining.

After sitting near her, he maneuvered his chair close to hers and surreptitiously used his foot to nudge her handbag toward him. A few minutes later, he picked it up, tucked it inside his jacket, walked out the door and down the street. Noem had just finished settling the tab when she felt something brush against her leg; at that moment, she thought it was a grandchild, sources told the New York Post. 

Martin pledged that the thief won’t be preying on Americans anymore. “President Trump’s direction to us is we charge these folks that are here illegally and we prosecute them, as well as deport them when need be, you know, as soon as that can happen,” he said. “What I can tell you is he won’t be back on the streets in America.”

Noem knows just the place to send him….